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Christmas gift
ideas
There's something for everyone
12/13/06 - By Ken Smyth
Having a hard time shopping
for that hockey somebody? Here's some ideas-
Joe Thornton- $1000 every
time somebody asks him one of those "what's it like to play in the laid back
Bay Area/California versus hockey-mad Boston/Northeast" questions. (Put the
money in an account he'll collect after ten years with the Sharks. With normal
interest it will be worth billions)
Sharks GM Doug Wilson- extended
no-hassles returns on anything and everything; including and especially trades
with the Chicago Blackhawks
Sharks Coach Doug Wilson- gift card for
Eli Thomas menswear, a roll of quarters to drop into Ville Nieminen,
Mark Bell: A trip to Hollywood to meet with Mel Gibson's lawyer. (Mark: if you
see Nicole Ritchie buy her dinner- make sure she eats it)
Scott
Parker- a seat on the bench, someplace, instead of the pressbox
Phoenix Coyotes: A new marketing slogan. "Decade in the Desert" suggests like
they're lost like Moses for another thirty years. (My over/under is only
seventeen.) Runner-up slogans were even worse: "Hockey-Doggie Style", and
"Coyotes Territory- Yellow Ice Ahead"
Los Angeles Kings: A new
marketing slogan to commemorate their 40th season. "It's Not Like We're Not
Trying" was rejected as too wordy and hard to prove. Other suggestions included
"Kings Hockey- 'cause NBA Tickets are Hard to Get" and "Kings Hockey-
Rebuilding Since 1967"
Matt Carle and Marc-Edouard Vlasic: a year's
supply of unlisted cell phone numbers.
NY Islanders coach Ted Nolan: finishing ahead of the
Rangers (like any Isles coach), beating the Red Wings and Dominic Hasek on
January 30th
For newly-ex St. Louis Blues coach Mike Kitchen: help
with the U-Haul, a few weeks in Florida, and a meeting with Panthers GM Jacques
Martin
For newly hired St. Louis Blues coach Andy Murray- help with
the U-Haul, and a goaltender. A therapist to help him get in touch with his
inner Mike Keenan. Drafting a Staal brother or a Sutter cousin.
The
Philadelphia Flyers: Re-do their fan club member rules- change the 250 pound
weight limit to a MAXIMUM.
l
Contact Ken at
Kenin210@eudoramail.com
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